Lost
by BttBFanFictionChallenge
Summary: Submission number two for the third BttB Challenge


Disclaimer: All characters are property of the seven network.

**-**

**-**

**-**

**Lost**

The cold water threw my skin into shock. The iciness of it, at this time of the year was unbearable and certainly something that I hadn't prepared myself for. Then again, I don't think I had ever prepared myself for a situation like this. Looking at the sky, the black clouds filled me with dread. They rumbled over the top of me, making me feel small, insignificant, _scared_. It was like I was a little boy, looking for something lost, and yet what I had lost could never be replaced if I didn't find it.

If I didn't find _her_.

The warm blankets on shore were coaxing me back.

My **head** telling me to turn back.

My _heart_ telling me to go on.

There was chaos and noise behind me as equipment was set up, people were sent off, tears fell; but all of that was merely a whisper. Pushed to the back of my brain because I didn't want to be the one who just waited, who did the sensible thing. Because when it came to her, I lost all common sense and I couldn't just wait there for hours on end for news that might never come. The last shout that I could actually decipher, before their words came to nothing was from my dad. He was shouting my name, begging me to come back. But he didn't understand. So I kept moving, further and further away from other human beings, but hopefully closer to her.

Now all I could hear was thunder… crackling loud in my ears, trying to get me to turn away, to turn back, just like the voices behind me. But I couldn't give up. As much as I was scared of going out into the middle of it all, the storm, the sea, the thunder; I was more scared of losing her. That perfect part of my life. The one who let me be me; who cared about me. Who loved _me_.

As the water slowly inched up my body I knew I would soon be forced into the hard part of the journey; the part of the trip which would carry the most hope. Orange flashed past faintly in my line of view, in the forms of lifeboats, but I wasn't looking for that.

I was in deep and the sea was moving violently in every direction. Being a good swimmer seeming to be make little difference.

There was barely any light now, because of the black clouds. I could barely hear now, because the thunder was too loud. It felt like speakers were blasting into my ears at full volume. In despair, I cried out her name. I needed to hear her screams, not the thunder. Not the overpowering force, trying it's best to get me to give up. Make me give in.

I shivered, trying to ignore the cold and the pain. My whole body was hurting but knowing that she was the most important thing in my life made every other thing around me insignificant. In my head the same question kept repeating itself. How had she been taken away from me?

Currents pushed against my body, pushing me in the direction they wanted; ignoring my cries to let me follow my own path. The waves were unforgiving. Water was unforgiving and it was only now that I also realised how dangerous water as. It kept us alive, but it could also kill us, within a second, within one moment. In this vast expanse I no longer had control.

Exhaustion flooded through my body. Turning back, land was faint in view, but even fainter in memory. Everything seemed faint. Except the picture of her, still vivid, still alive.

I could feel my body giving up slowly, despite my mind fighting it at all costs. My legs were refusing to kick, my arms still moving in circles, but much more slowly now. The sea was trying to tire me out and it was working. Constantly being submerged under water by the waves was leaving me gasping for breath, for air. My eyes were closing but I was still adamant that I keep going. I would never survive the way back to shore but I needed to find her.

As I felt myself open my eyes for what felt like the final effort I spotted something. It was too dark to tell, but it was something; an object, floating. Hope suddenly reared itself again; giving me some renewed energy. Swimming as fast as I could I reached out and grabbed her. She was cold, her face in the water, her body limp. Any anticipation that I had had was now gone. It had disappeared as soon as it had come, because looking at her like this broke my heart. It suddenly occurred to me that I didn't know what to do. I had turned her onto her back, but her body was heavy and mine was weak. How could I even tell whether she was alive?

However, my brain told me that there was a chance. A small chance that she still had some life in her. But I knew that there was no likelihood that I could get back to shore. That either of us could. Slowly I resigned myself to what I knew was going to happen.

Opening my mouth I managed to utter what I thought would be my last words before my eyes closed for the last time. I told her that I loved her, because Matilda really was everything to me, as corny as it sounded. All I was aware of was that this was where I wanted to be, because I knew that my life wouldn't be worth living; without _her_ in it.


End file.
